It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
