Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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