does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
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dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
pray to the hookup gods
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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