Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
