yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
