i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
