watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
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