I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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