you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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