my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
