it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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