the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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