I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
