oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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