Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
