Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
