made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
