i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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