Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i drank out of a bidet.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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