meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
