I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
