I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
