Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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