Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
