After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
