Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Holy shit dude........stairs
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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