I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
