There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize