It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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