My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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