My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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