I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
