so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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