I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
