I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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