I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
