Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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