just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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