Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
