Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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