it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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