If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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