I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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