She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
