If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
