the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
