i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
my shit smells like andre
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
foreskin is a definite game changer
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
