Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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