WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
