It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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