I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
