hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
