you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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